


The Notes She Left

by WaywardDemons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Cas, Blood, Drunk Sam, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Funeral, Heaven, Hurt, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Sad Castiel, Suicide, suicide note, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7192787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardDemons/pseuds/WaywardDemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Super Triggering. Dean and Sam find a fallen friend after she's been missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Notes She Left

Sam let Dean kick down the door with a powerful kick. Dust filled the air from the broken wall but the brother’s pushed their way in anyway. The room they entered was a mess, as if a tornado came running through. The mattress thrown off its frame, blankets ripped to shreds. Dean pointed his gun in front of his as he carefully he walked through the room; trying to not step on anything.

Sam followed, his gun much lower as he looked around and tried to picture what happened. No personal belongings were strewed about. No, the only things destroyed were the hotel’s accommodations. He just as carefully made his way in the room, mouth agape the further he went in. “What happened?” He asked, though he knew Dean wouldn’t have any more answers then he.

Dean didn’t respond, he didn’t feel the need too. Instead he pushed forward, towards the worst part of the room.

Broken glass littered the bathroom floor, drops of blood mixing in from where She had obviously cut herself. Dean kicked another door, this one leading to the shower. This is where the drops of blood were leading him. He took a rather large breath before he heard the crunch of glass under his boots.

Sam hung back, lifting a few of the rather large items in search of something, anything that would answer his questions about what had happened here.

“Sam.” Dean said, his voice deep and gravely. Sam didn’t hesitate, he didn’t care what he stepped on as he all but ran to his brother’s side. Dean turned and left the small room, his hand covering his mouth as he did. Sam gulped, nervous to enter the small space thanks to Dean’s reaction. But he did anyway.

Blood, blood was everywhere. It fell in neat little streaks down the side of the yellowed tub. It was sprayed against the mismatching tiles in the corner.

Tears burned at Sam’s eyes. He dropped his hands to his side and hurried out of the small space. Dean leaned against the broken dresser, ankles crossed and hands wiping at the tears streaming down his face. Sam held his breath, trying with all his might to not cry. “Call Cas.” He said, a sense of urgency to his voice. “Call him now!” He yelled gripping Dean’s collar in his fists.

Dean pushed his brother off, “What the fuck do you think Cas is going to do?”

“Fix her! He has to!” The tears fell from his eyes now, he fell to his knees, not feeling the pain of glass digging into them, “He has to.”

Dean hated seeing his brother like this. Hated knowing all of this could have been prevented. “Okay, Sammy. I’ll call Cas.” Dean didn’t fish in his pockets for his phone. Instead he looked up to the sky, praying silently that his angel friend would have his ears on and hear him. Dean closed his eyes as another tear fell from him, streaking down his cheek. “Come on Castiel, we need you.” He whispered.

The room was filled with Sam’s sobs. He crumbled to pieces on the floor. Dean grunted, rolling his shoulders back. He went back into the small room, this time knowing where to avoid looking.

He found the hotel stationary now, and with a shaky hand he picked it up. A few drops of blood stained the corners, and Dean tried hard to read the words before they blurred.

_‘I know what I’m doing.’_

Dean punched the wall, cutting his own knuckles in the process. Drywall dust filled the tiny space as he retracted his arm. The pain numbing the tears still in his eyes. He left the room, stationary still in hand. With his newly broken and battered hand he fished his pockets for his cell. “Castiel Damnit!” He yelled as it rang. No answer. He called again. “This is Castiel’s voicemail. I- I don’t understand.” Dean threw his phone across the room, letting it shatter and become part of the mess of the room.

“Dean?” Sam asked, he was standing now, face red and puffy from crying. His voice was deeper than normal, “What’s that?” He pointed to the stationary in Dean’s hands.

Dean shook his head as he handed the note to his brother. He prayed again, this time to any angel that would listen. Though even he knew that was a long shot. “What does this mean?” Sam yelled. He pushed his way past Dean, entering the small room. “What does this mean!” He yelled at her dead and lifeless body. His throat was on fire as he fell back to his knees in front of her. “Explain why!” He pulled her face towards his chest. “Just tell me why.” He said much quieter now, rocking back and forth with her face pressed firmly against him.

“Okay little brother we have to go.” Dean entered the room, pulling at his brother’s arm. “Sammy. Come on. We’re going to find Cas.” Dean was lying. He really just wanted Sam out of the room so he could shut out all feelings and get to work. It was a mess in here, too many questions would be asked, and now they had left prints everywhere.

Hesitantly Sam rose to his feet, gently setting her down back in half filled tub. “I know come on.” Sam said, patting his brother’s back and all but shoving him out of the room. Sam listened, clinging tightly to the note still in his hand. Dean shoved his brother in the car, made his way around to his side, and left the hotel quickly. Returning Sam to their own.

Without a word Dean turned tail and went back, combing over the room one last time as if it were possible to gather more evidence as to why she lay in that tub covered in her own blood. He began cleaning, leaving the bathroom last, unable to face the fact that she was actually dead.

“Come on _____, one last ride in Baby. For old times sake.” Dean lifted her soaking wet body over his shoulder and ignored the bloody water cascading over him. He looked at his car, the trunk already opened and waiting for him. He sighed, the trunk wasn’t the place for her. He opened the back seat, ignoring the fact that her blood was going to seep into the leather and stain. He didn’t have time to care about that right now.

He set her down gently, hand lingering on her jean covered legs. Before tears could form he slammed the back door shut and finished his cleaning job. Other than the various broken appliances, mirrors, and chairs, the room was back to normal.

He shut the door the best he could with the broke latch and climbed into his car. He looked back, seeing her as if she were simply sleeping in the back seat like she had a million times. He started his car, the radio didn’t come on, all he could hear was the purr of the engine and that was enough. He pulled the car forward and drove, searching for an open field to hold your funeral. A hunters funeral, where only Sam and Dean would attend.

* * *

Sam sat in the hotel room, thankfully Dean had always made sure to keep alcohol around. Most of which Sam had consumed in a short period of time. But it wasn’t enough to erase the pictures in his mind. The images of her lifeless body covered in her own blood. He’d seen her stained with blood before, but never her own, she was so careful. Always poking fun at the boys for getting cut or beaten when she would walk away without so much as a scratch.

Sam tried to tell himself stories of happy memories, tried to fill his mind with pictures of her smiling rather than with her tear stained face. Nothing seemed to work, every time he tried her note would bring him back to reality. She was gone, took her life and why?

_'I know what I’m doing.’_

Nothing more. Usually she would scribble a little heart, or her name, but this note held nothing but 5 little words that only raised a million questions in his mind.

“Cas.” he breathed. He pulled out his phone, and tried to call Castiel from his contacts list. His vision severely compromised both from the tears and the alcohol. “Caaaas!” He yelled as the phone rang.

“Sam?” Castiel’s gravely voice sounded on the phone.

“Cas help her. She needs your help.” Sam slurred into the phone. He sat on the edge of his bed, sipping on his newly opened beer.

“Who? Where are you? Have you been drinking?” Castiel asked, his voice full of worry but Sam didn’t hear that.

“That doesn’t matter!” Sam threw his beer bottle against the wall, it shattered and covered the area in both beer and glass. “She needs you. You’re the only one who can bring her back!”

Castiel cleared his throat. “Tell me where you are Sam.” And Sam told him, gave him the address and waited patiently for his angel friend to appear in front of him.

* * *

Dean pulled up to the hotel, taking a deep breath before exiting his car. With heavy and tired feet he forced himself into the hotel room. Beer and whiskey hit his nose before he could even set foot in the room. “Sammy?” Dean yelled, heart racing. He couldn’t handle loosing him as well.“

“He’s in here.” Castiel said, leaving the bathroom. “I believe he had too much to drink. He’s been throwing up for quiet some time now.”

“What the hell man! I called you! I prayed to you! And nothing!”

“I missed your calls, and angel radio isn’t working. What happened?”

“She’s dead and none of us were there for her! She sliced her wrists and bled out and none of us even knew! Where we’re you Cas?” Dean threw Castiel against the wall, hearing the thud,  but ignoring the pain he was causing his friend. Dean could hear Sam throwing up, but ignored his reflex to check on him and instead deal with Castiel.

Castiel struggled to breathe with Dean’s hands around his throat.“Dean, I didn’t-”

“Of course you didn’t. No one did.” Dean dropped his arms and walked way, sneaking a peak into the bathroom at his brother before pacing around the room. He found a glass and poured himself a drink, annoyed but understanding why the bottle of whiskey was so empty. 

“I can try and bring her back, where is she?” Castiel asked, straightening out his trench coat.

“Few miles up the road.” Dean grumbled, “Awaiting her funeral.” Castiel disappeared and returned shortly afterwards. “Well.”

“Dean, I-” Castiel stammered. He looked down at his hands, wishing they still possessed the power they once held. 

“Figures.” Dean threw back another drink. “Sammy, you done yet?” Dean yelled. 

Sam fell against the door frame of the bathroom, a towel cleaning up his face. “Yeah.” He said and off everyone went.

Dean set fire to her body, watching it engulf quickly. He had wrapped your body up so they couldn’t see you, but the three of them stood by and watched with tears falling from their eyes. Sam was the first to leave, retreating back to the car where he proceeded to drink by himself. Castiel and Dean stood by, making sure that every part of you was gone. No one spoke, no one had the ability to. Instead they all just stood in silence.

“If it makes you feel better she made it to Heaven.” Castiel said finally.  
Dean scoffed, “As if that place is any better than Hell recently.”


End file.
